Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
