So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
