dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize