People in love make me want to vomit
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
