and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
where does the pee come out of this thing
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
