dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
