Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
