this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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