I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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