I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
