I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
