so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
