It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
