Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
