its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
