We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
