Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
