hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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