i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
