my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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