I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
