i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
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When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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