girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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