I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
