i just had sex bonerless
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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