Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
