i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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