we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
