Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
