Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
