You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
