I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
