i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
