Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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