I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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