I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sext me about skeletons
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
