I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
