I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
