just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm at about main and main street
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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