it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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