I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
