your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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