"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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