She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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