i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
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I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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