Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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