i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
