Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
