i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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