It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
