do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
