I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at about main and main street
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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