i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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