Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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