your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
