wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
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