Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
