My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
