How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
