i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
