she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
