So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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