NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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